Recently I’ve had a couple of recent penny dropping, AHA revelations…. that I think are going to have a massive impact. Neither of them are ideas that were completely new to me, but, suddenly, somehow it clicked that this is where I should be focusing my energies.
So in this post I will talk about the first. If you’ve read any amount of posts on this blog, you’ll know that I am trying to stop yelling and exploding at my kids when I get frustrated or can’t handle a situation. Instead of focusing on, how I can get my kids to co-operate, and, why they don’t respect me, If I am in such a state that I am yelling or feel like I want to be yelling, then the question I need to be asking myself is “Why do I feel threatened right now?”
Forget about the kids for a moment, and just think about and look after my own emotional state. Why do I feel threatened? What is actually at stake? If I just take a step back, is it really that bad? I think I have some issues that need to be dealt with that are causing me to feel so threatened so easily. So I’m starting to take the times when I am yelling (or at the brink of it) as opportunities to assess and nurture my emotional state… If I focus on looking after myself, rather than trying to control the kids, I can reassure myself, and calm myself down. Once I’ve calmed down, chances are I will be able to deal with the situation relatively easily and effectively.
I don’t actually have to worry about what the kids do or don’t do really…. all that I am responsible for is ME, what I do and how I respond to their behaviour. Which is why I need to focus on myself and looking after my own emotional state, so that I can respond lovingly and thoughtfully.
My second revelation, is (just as the conscious parenters have been chanting all along) ‘It’s all about the relationship!!’ which I will write about in my next post!