I just want to say to start off, ‘re-wiring my brain part 2’ is coming. (Because I know all my non-existent readers are waiting with anticipation. I started last night, and will finish it soon… but today I want to write about something else….
My beautiful son…. he is 7. And his sister is 2. So he gets in trouble a lot. Being the older one, I expect better of him. But sometimes I think I forget that he’s only 7. He’s still little. He’s dealing with a lot right now. And he needs my help and support.
The other night he came out to me from his bed quite upset, and when I asked him what was wrong, he showed me an old toy he found that obviously reminded him of when he was smaller, and said that he wished he could be a baby forever. I held him in my lap and he cried and cried and cried. He was really upset and seemed to be releasing a lot of bottled up emotions. I was pleased that he was able to identify and express what was upsetting him, and that he had the chance to release those emotions with me by his side.
I was also pleased to gain that insight, although I had suspected that jealousy of his sister and longing for the exclusive relationship we had before she was around, was causing him distress. And to be honest, it distresses me too. It makes me want to cry that he is not my little baby any more. I worry about opportunities I might have missed, I wonder if I’ve done a good enough job so far….. My daughter is at an absolutely adorable age, and being a cuddly 2 year old she is so easy to connect with. But then I feel distressed that I can’t connect that easily with my son any more…. I worry that our relationship is somehow broken. I try desperately to repair it… but then in the stress of day to day life, sooner or later I snap out in anger again, and then I feel that I’ve lost any repair work that might have been made.
If you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know that I’m working on getting out of bad habits like yelling and snapping. Now, since this incident, I’ve been thinking also, perhaps just as an experiment, I want to start treating him and thinking of him more as a baby. I know that sounds a bit messed up… but if he was an only child, I never would have stopped thinking of him as a baby. It’s only since he got a little sister, that he suddenly became the big kid. I want to stop thinking of him as the big kid, and my daughter as the baby, and think of them both as my babies needing my love, support and gentle guidance. I feel like he is really fragile right now, and this is what he needs.
I’ve been reading lots of gentle and concious parenting stuff lately and I’m trying to strive towards that. I think that by reminding myself that he is still little and still my baby, the gentle parenting will come more naturally (hopefully).