Things that went well
- I decided to take it easy today after having such a rough day yesterday, and I was feeling quite ill with period cramps this morning – I’m glad I didn’t push myself to be productive and make myself a stressed and miserable mother
- I’m working on really connecting (tickling, playing, talking, laughing) with Miss2 while Mr7 is at school. I used to feel a bit guilty doing this, because I feel like Mr7 is missing out (yes, I over think things, and that is a ridiculous thing to think anyway) But lately I’ve been thinking, that the more attention I am able to give to Miss2 while Mr7 is not here, then maybe the less needy, clingy and competitive she will be when Mr7 is here? And I’ll have more space to give Mr7 his special time? (At least I’m hoping its going to work out that way.)
- I tidied the house and listened to a podcast while the kids were out with Daddy in the afternoon – although this doesn’t sound like a ‘parenting’ thing, believe me, the house being tidy tomorrow (Saturday) will have a big positive impact on my parenting.
Things that didn’t go so well
- Several times Mr7 got really upset and stressed about little things and was quite rude to me in the process. I worry that perhaps he is picking this up from me, perhaps he sees me not dealing well with stress and frustration, and therefore he doesn’t know how to deal with it either. (I’m pleased that lately at least I don’t have my own melt down every time he has a melt down. I’ve been working really hard on showing him that I am strong and stable enough to handle his melt downs.) I talked to him about it this afternoon, and this is actually a positive because I think the conversation went well. I asked him gently why he is getting so upset about X, and was there something making him upset. He sort of nodded and then said something about feeling angry making him feel more angry. And then I asked him if he could feel when he was starting to get angry, which he said he could, so I suggested we think of some strategies that we can try (both of us because it is and issue for me too) to calm ourselves down before it gets worse. I’m glad he seems to have some awareness of his feelings and their escalation. I think I need to keep talking to him in this gentle and loving tone when it happens, and I also need to find time when he is calm to talk about calming strategies.
- I want to work on being more present with the children, and really tuning into them. I’m so easily distracted and so in my own head sometimes. Their Dad took them out this afternoon, and when they got back I had good reason to be distracted- my parents came around to witness us signing the divorce application. Then it got a bit complex, because apparently you need to be a JP or something to be an eligible witness. Anyway, I was really distracted and not really present with them at all. I know, that in some situations that is totally understandable and just the way it has to be, but I think that in such situations I should make a point of stopping every now and then to connect with my children, even if it just takes a second, to give them a hug or a smile, or a quick tickle. Life does happen- but even in those situations, I think its still important to connect with and reassure my children that I’m here, I love them, and everything is OK.