I feel like I want to die, I want to go far far away from anyone. I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me that I’m doing everything wrong. Maybe I am just completely mental and can’t handle criticism. But is it so wrong that I just want people to trust me with my own parenting. Why can I not go to parents house without being criticised for my parenting, or criticised for getting upset too easily, or both. My kids aren’t that bad. They’re doing ok, and they’ll be ok. And yeah- I’m having a pretty rough time right now, so how about just giving me a break?? Why can’t they just let me work it out in my own time. Why is it that when ever I try to stand up for myself I just come across as a crazy emotional wreck. I want to die. If I’m so crap at everything, and I’ve screwed everything up so badly, I might as well just die. I feel like an incompetent human being.
I just want the space and time to become the parent I want to be, without everyone watching me and criticising me as I try to get there.
I’m so embarrassed that I handle everything so badly- and thus prove my mother’s point, that I get upset too easily. I am as bad/worse than my mother. I am everything I never wanted to become. I could turn around and blame everything on her (like everyone else seems to do). But what would that achieve, then we’d both be a mess and hate each other. I just don’t want to see anyone any more. ever.
I want to prove them all wrong. I want to prove that I am an awesome parent, and it was no thanks to their criticism and lack of confidence. I want to not need them.