Ummm….. I think I’m getting cold feet. This morning I was really excited about the new adventure (blogging) I am embarking on, but now I feel like this was all just some crazy random late night idea…. I don’t blog- I don’t share my life publicly like that! No one would want to read my rubbish… and if anyone did read it, OMG how embarrassing.
I checked eagerly to see if I had any views. No, none. Partly disappointed, but actually mostly relieved.
Going back to the TED talk I mentioned yesterday, I remember she said that it is the people who believe that they are worthy of love and connectedness who experience love and connection. And they embrace vulnerability and believe that is their vulnerability that makes them beautiful. So right now, thinking about daily blogging about my short comings (and small victories as a parent) makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. And I don’t like it. It’s awful. But I think that this is the reason that I need to do this. I need to feel worthy. I need to lay out all my flaws in front of the world (hahaha as if anyone is actually going to read it) and still know that I am worthy. I need to let trolls tell me that I am a terrible parent, and still know that I am worthy. Firstly I need to do this to get over my fear of being judged, and secondly I need to do this to really focus and hold myself accountable for becoming the parent that I want to be.
OK, so let’s do this. Let’s get back to parenting. We’ll start with the check list I made for myself this morning:
I actually did all those things, and as I suspected, knowing that I had to write about it in my blog tonight made me a much better parent. Every time one of my children asked me to do something with them or for them I thought about the blog, and what I wanted to say about myself in the blog. I don’t want to write that I was too busy organising all our junk to actually spend any quality time with the children today (which is Sunday). I stopped and I listened, and I connected. Not sure how long I will be able to keep up this intense focus on parenting though. But, on the other hand, that is the point of this blog, to force me to focus on parenting.
Today was not without struggle though. Struggles included:
- -Mr7 chasing Miss2 and continuing to chase her even though it was clear she was getting distressed. I yelled a mini lecture to Mr7, about making sure he gives her space when she is clearly letting him know she needs space.
- -Mr7 talking to me absolute non-stop when I was getting slightly frazzled trying to get ready to go out. I kept thinking of things I had to do, or find or put in my bag, and then with all Mr7’s chatter I immediately forgot again.
- -At the end of the day when we were all extremely tired, Mr7 was lying on the family bed, I told him it was for me to feed Mary to sleep (ie- he needs to get up and move). After lots of prodding and prompting and telling, He was still just lying there. I lost my temper again. I yelled.
There were a few other little things that I can’t remember now.
Let’s deal with the yelling first. I yelled when he Mr7 was not respecting his sister’s space, and I yelled when he was dawdling. Is there always a better alternative to yelling or is yelling sometimes necessary. I think that it is necessary for kids to see that parents get angry sometimes, but that doesn’t have to mean yelling. If its just scary and intimidating then kids aren’t really learning from it, its just damaging the relationship with their parent, and possibly their self esteem. So get angry without yelling. Get down on his level, show him my angry/upset/concerned face and then explain why I feel like that. Try to describe the situation in a way that puts him in my shoes (or Miss2’s shoes, and ask him to think about how he would feel. And then elicit from him some other/better ways of dealing with the situation.
Unfortunately that is all I have time fore tongiht. I really must get to bed.
Tomorrow (though it will be an incredibly busy day) I again try to make sure I do everything on the check list, and I will also try to implement the yelling alternative described above.