I couldn’t sleep last night – I was so excited and nervous about having started a blog. I couldn’t stop thinking about what my next post should be about, and what sort of direction and theme do I want my blog to take. Then I started fretting about how much personal detail of my life should I actually share, and what if people I mention in my blog discover it and I end up offending and upsetting people?
Which leads me to my next question – should I tell close family and friends about my blog, or just keep it a secret? I do really want to tell my mum and sisters, because I’m so excited about it and also quite proud of the domain name I came up with. However, I think if I leave it completely anonymous I will write more freely, which is essentially what I want to get out of this.
I really admire Noni/Dana from A Slob Comes Clean who started an anonymous blog and used as a way to tackle and overcome her struggles with housekeeping and clutter. And on the way, she has helped so many others (including myself) who face similar struggles. So I’ve been thinking I want to do something similar, only the focus will be on parenting. I want to use this blog as a way to motivate me, hold me accountable, and give me a space to reflect and plan. I’m going to watch less TV in the evenings and instead fill my lonely evenings by working on my blog, and working on becoming a better parent. When I was studying education, reflection was a big part of everything we did. We were required after ever lesson we taught, and even after many of our assignments, to reflect on what worked for us and what didn’t and how we can grow and improve and do better for next time. I always thought that I should do the same thing for parenting (and life in general too) and I do frequently write my own personal reflections and diary entries which are helpful. But I think that making a commitment to do this in a public blog will have a much more powerful effect. Since I have the potential of having an audience, I will keep on top of it more, and maybe be more likely to actually do the things I say I’m going to do, since I really want to prove myself and earn the respect of my readers.
So let me start by talking about my beautiful 7 year old son. Lately has seemed a bit insecure, and just generally not as happy as he used to be. And I feel like, as much as I try, we don’t connect as much as we used to. I really worry that somehow I am failing him. I know that there is the stress of the family breakup, and now having to compete with his 2 year old sister for my attention, after being an only child for 5 years. With everything being so much busier and crazier than it used to be, with another child, school, and my somewhat unstable emotional health, I feel like I am always getting frustrated and annoyed with him. And then I feel guilty that all I ever do is get angry at him.
So before my kids wake up today, I am going to publish this post with the following daily check list (and I will report back, and let you know how I went tonight):
- Praise my children
- Positive physical contact – tickling/rolly-polly rough and tumble play/ sitting in my lap for stories
- Pull myself away from whatever I am doing (atleast twice a day) to go look at something they want to show me
- Meaningful conversation – really LISTEN and respond thoughtfully
And my daughter has just woken up…. so I will leave it there for now.